I'll keep being the bigger person

I was married for over 28 years. In that time we went on one holiday. Dunk Island for our 5th wedding anniversary. It was paid for out of some money I inherited from my grandfather. My husband organized it all. He didn't tell me what was happening, nor even hint at it. I got an invitation to join him after he had it all booked and paid for.

Hump day happiness

Wonder if I'll manage to capture a whole week of happiness :) Naomi over at Under the yardarm posts her Hump day happinessness on a Wednesday but this week she went "airline" and posted the next day, today. Since I've had a fabulous week I thought I should follow suit and link back to her.

This week's highlights have been many and varied.

1) I got a text from someone I have a serious wish to see again

2) I had a friend come over for dinner last night & we laughed together at my 12yo's teen angsty crap.

3) My beautiful boy told me a million, gazillion times that he loves me and not all were distraction techniques.

4) Playing silly games with my kids. We laughed and laughed at our silliness, it was the best !

5) I saw a friend I've not seen for almost 3 years. She had so much to fill me in on & I, her. Separation, deaths,
loves, joys, sadnesses... all had to be covered.

6) An out of the blue comment telling me I was beautiful. (Okay, taken with a grain of salt but it still makes you feel good)

7) Sunshine warm enough that I could wear short sleeves & sandals.

I'll stop there since that's a happiness for every day of my week and that's enough for me :)

What was your happiness this week?

How to have a baby in 3 weeks or less...

That last phone call from our social worker set another roller coaster in motion. As with our daughter there was the need to attend a meeting in Melbourne to learn about this child that may be ours. So a hurried day trip was arranged with no word to our daughter. There is always the chance that the match my not be made in heaven so you tell no-one what's going on until you have some surety.The trip was uneventful and we left with a small file giving us details of this baby boy and some photographs. He was 7 months old, healthy, happy and loveable according to his foster mother. He had been born with a medical issue that had been dealt with but was a major reason behind his late placement. The medical issue was one that would need monitoring for a period but after a couple of years it was anticipated that all would be well and no further issue would arise from it.

After the required 2 days "cooling off" we made the phone call. We were to be a family of four :)

I picked my daughter up from school that day having made the decision that she needed to know a brother was impending. Almost up to her 7th birthday my gorgeous curly girl came bouncing out of class that afternoon, ready & eager to enjoy some time with me. I stopped her and asked if she could sit down for a moment as I had something important to tell her. "You're going to be a sister, there's a little boy who's going to be your brother". Tears ! No joy in her smile, just tears and a small voice saying "I'd rather have a sister".

Thankfully her teacher was there and did one of the few things I have to be grateful to her for. The teacher told my girl that she would make the best big sister a brother could hope for so to not worry. It made all the difference to my girl. The tears dried up and the smile returned along with excitement about our new family member.

Once again we had to arrange all the baby gear we would require.Much of it we had still from our daughter and so there wasn't too much in terms of nursery equipment. The biggest thing was organising bedrooms, as befitted the elder child she had decided the bigger of the children's bedrooms was to be hers. This necessitated moving furniture, repainting walls, moving toys & clothes... you've done it so I'm sure you all know what a nuisance it can be, especially at this time. The social worker had the plans that A & I would come to Melbourne, spend a week or more there, familiarising ourselves with our baby, his routine etc. I asked them what they thought we were going to do with our daughter, they responded with the suggestion she should stay with someone while we were in Melbourne. Not unexpectedly, this met with a negative response from me. My thoughts were that this child was coming into a family, not becoming the first child to a couple. How could we assimilate him into our family if we were excluding one third of it from meeting him, expecting her to be without her parents for a week all the while knowing her world was about to be turned upside down? I insisted she would come to Melbourne with us and while I didn't demand she be permitted to meet him on the first day as we would, I did insist that she meet him as quickly as possible. We arranged that our daughter spend some time with her Birth-fathers mother, K. We felt that would make it a very special occasion for her, K was willing as was our daughter. And thus it was arranged... March, just after my birthday was to be "it".

The social workers had a very specific plan in place. Day one we were to meet and watch but not interact with the child who would be our son. All up there was a five day plan to integrate us into his life. Our daughter was to meet him (briefly) on day 4. We'd never met the social worker who had been assigned to us for the placement, she'd only just been employed so it was a big day with a lot of unknowns...

J was picked up by her grandmother and we headed off to the foster parents home. There was a flurry of introductions when we arrived. Our social worker, our new sons social worker, the foster parents, another social worker but most importantly, our new son...

The plan was, no contact today. We could watch, we could be there but we were not to have any physical interaction between this little boy and ourselves. I sat down at the end of the couch where R, the foster mother had sat with O. A knelt on the floor at the other side of the coffee table. We were being cautious since there were so many eyes upon us and we didn't want to upset this little boy in any way. We were strangers even if we were now to be his parents. We sat chatting for a while, O happily playing with various toys and flirting with the extra people in the room. After a little while R put him on the couch next to her since he was getting fussy about being held. Next thing I know, O has rolled over and put himself right next to me. Reaching out for me... I looked at the social workers and none were showing major concern that I was in proximity to O so I did nothing but chat to him. A few minutes later R suggested I should pick him up, again, no apparent issue from the social workers. R then got a bottle for O, handed it to me and said that since he seemed so happy where he was, would I like to feed him. Was I going to say no? Never! O greedily drank his bottle and promptly fell asleep in my arms.

Feel them up Friday

Pink is my colour today. I've pinked my twitter avatar, I've pinked my facebook profile pic, I'm wearing a pink shirt and yes, I'm wearing pink bra/knickers... I'm also going to be eating Musk sticks.

There's been a groundswell of activity on Twitter due to Carol Duncan and SeraphimSP who began a campaign to raise awareness for breast cancer and breast self examinations using the hashtag #feelthemupfriday. So many people have turned their avatars pink, some have added a blue element because it affects men as well. Not only in the indirect sense that a woman they love may be diagnosed with breast cancer but also because men get it too. Breast tissue is not exclusive to women, it's not exclusive to older women, and cancer is not discriminating when it comes to who it affects. Young, old, male, female, good, bad, lovely, mean, compassionate, uncaring, active, couch potato, robust, delicate... it matters not to cancer and so it should matter not when it comes to breast checks. Check yours, check your partners, go to the Doctor or a breast clinic if you're unsure of how to check for yourself, you can also check the Breast Cancer site here.

You can read Carol Duncan's article about #feelthemupfriday here and this post by Missea is why I am eating musk sticks. You should too !

He never rang...

A second child... did we want a second child. That was the next question after we adopted our daughter. We discussed and examined the idea and decided we didn't want to be a single child family. We lodged a second application and waited for a social worker to be assigned to do the necessary paperwork.

I can't do this everyday

It's been a bit over a year since I ended my marriage.

It's been a good year for me but... there's still signs of the damage I was left with.

Speeding time

I realized the other day that in two weeks it will be a years since I ended my marriage... Time is speeding past !

My Daughters school story

My daughter, who is in year 7, had to write a short story for school (subject was a world in a pencil case) about 200 words... This is her story, just a little over 200 words, 2356 I think it is. Yes, she talks non-stop as well.

*****************

In a land far away the royal family were sitting down to a lovely breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast, cereal and pancakes. Suddenly the young princess Ally blurted out “I am bored of sitting around the palace and doing all just princess stuff. I want to go out and do something fun!” Her parents the King and Queen were astounded. “Well honey... um... you can... um... go for a Mysterious Dangerous Exciting Walk in the Palace gardens!” said the king unconvincingly. The young Princess was very annoyed. “Fine!” she said as she walked out of the room to get ready for a walk.

Hump day Happiness

Right at this moment I'm not so sure there is any but there must be. So, in a an attempt to emulate Naomi over at Under the Yardarm, I will endeavour to find some.

I've sorted out the problems my boss causes with invoicing so that's good but no Hump day Happiness in that, more like job satisfaction repairing job angst.

Can you imagine?

I can't...

My husband, often called ex since we're separated, is now an orphan. His father and mother are both dead. All the people who knew him as a baby have all died and now, with his Mother's death last week, he

I got steamrollered again

Ex is on his way to Melbourne. I'm trying to see if I can get myself & the kids on a flight this afternoon so we can see my Mother in law before she dies. The Doctor says she has less than 48 hours.

I knew we should have gone already. I got that feeling and I should never have let courtesy stop me. Ex didn't want me to, he wanted to wait, he wanted to not have an argument with his sister. So once again I stepped back and didn't act on my feeling for the sake of others. I hope we manage to make it in time. I would have preferred it to have been while my Mother in law was well enough to speak to the kids but no matter, they still need to see her, to hug her once more, to say they love her.

I have done all I can for the next hour, waiting on a letter to the airline so I can get flights changed.

Fingers crossed...

The unbearable sadness of being

the ones left behind...

My beautiful children are sad. Their grandmother is dying and they know it.

Mothers Day

Here we are at another Mothers Day. The years fly past so quickly now, this is my 28th since I first became a Mother, the 11th with my daughter, the 5th with my son. It's also my first one without my husband to help the kids organize anything.

Where's the other boot?

My Father in law died as he turned Seventy. Not the day before or the day after but right smack bang on the anniversary of his birth. I felt it was poetic and after the pain he'd gone through over the five years prior, I felt it was a good thing for him to finally be at the end of it. My husband did not cope well. He may feel he did, he will most likely tell you he did but he did not. There is much to that tale and I won't go into it right now but suffice to say that the years my Father in law suffered pain of unknown origins before being diagnosed with cancer and those that came after the diagnosis were fairly instrumental in the breakdown of my marriage.

Telstra sucks

This is what I wrote in February 2008 when Telstra decided my life needed some higher stress levels.

Quote "I've spent the last hour on the phone to them because they rang me to say they'd just billed me a very unusual amount for data usage.

Sometimes it's fun not to shhhh (cobwebs)

This is a conversation some friends and I had on facebook one night. It's most definitely not a PG conversation so you have been warned... I reckon you'll laugh :)

On twitter :

Dee advised she had 8 books beside her bed all not finished.

Ever changing, ever learning

The first few years of my daughters life was a learning curve. I had spent so many years working I had few friends with children and certainly none in similar situations. The health centre ran information sessions for new mums and they put me into one of those groups. While I had hopes of it providing me with some friendships I held no illusions that it may well not happen. My daughter was the only girl and the only adoptee. Fortunately another mum had an older child through adoption and one of the mums was my age so I wasn't quite the "shag on a rock" I had feared. After the information sessions finished we chose to try getting together regularly. We're fortunate enough to still all be friends and catch up a few times a year after 12 years. One had more

Bullying in all it's forms

We’ve all suffered from bullying to some degree at some point in our lives. Even those who are bullies have fallen prey to a bully, else where would they have learned the tricks of their trade. When I was a kid it was very much a matter of either, ignore it or get the bully before they got you. Schools weren't proactive about helping the bullied, the other kids mostly just ducked & tried to escape the bully's notice, sometimes you might have got help in the form of an older sibling but that was fraught with danger since often that only firmed the bully's resolve to get you later. In general I got teased; I can't recall physical bullying at school, apart from being tripped. I also had things taken from me and got blamed for stuff I didn't do. Got all that at home too, part & parcel of a large family perhaps. I had residual issues from the teasing I copped over the years

Photo #10

Thea over at Do I really wanna blog? tagged me to do a meme. I'm not really flash on doing meme's but I will give my best shot.

Here are the instructions:

More changes...

At sixteen

Ch ch ch changes

       

Age 10

Proposed clean feed

There has been much dialogue both online and in the media recently about the Governent plan to ensure a 'clean' internet feed by forcing ISP's to filter content prior to the consumer accessing it. This is Wrong ! It should not be allowed to happen under any circumstances.

You forget so much...

While trawling through the photos I also found my eldest sons's health centre record and wow... I had forgotten how little he was (well not really but I'd forgotten fine details)

When he was born on August 10th he weighed 936gms. He wore size 000 singlets, folded in half as nappies and there were no clothes that fitted him. His hospital ankle band (which fell off him) fits around my thumb.

Out of left field

I was poking around in my huge box of photos (it's amazing how many you can collect over 30 years) and I came across something my brother sent me many years ago. I thought it worth posting as it reminds me that, regardless of how he behaves towards me now, he has a heart and it broke for me when JC died.

How big can a family be?

When our daughter came into our lives she did not come alone. Along with her we gained her biological families as well. There is a provision for ongoing contact not just with the birth parents but also with any birth relatives who request contact. With our daughter the adoption order included birth grandparents on both sides as well as her birth parents siblings. Not only did we have to get to know our daughter but we needed to find some commonality with all these people we'd never met and yet we shared such a bond with. We first met J's birth parents over the days we were in Melbourne meeting our new daughter. They presented as a lovely pair of young people who had an extremely mature attitude towards an unenviable situation. They assuaged my fears by telling me they wished only to be our daughter's friend, never to usurp our roles as Mum and Dad.

The unmentionable...

It's my birthday today. I'm 47. Time, I think, to start counting backwards to be sure I avoid the big Five Ooooohhhhhh.

Many of my birthdays have been average, even sad. My Eighteenth was the day I found out I was pregnant, my twenty first came only two months after my eldest son died. My Thirtieth was a massive joke. Husband was supposed to take me out for dinner but he couldn't leave work (as in he couldn't and still can't relinquish control) and then one of the drivers from the company he worked for managed to "invite" himself to stay the night in our spare room and intended to come to dinner with us. This was a nice enough man but he was not a scintillating conversationalist and he was not who I wanted around on my birthday. In the end my husband sent this driver and another employee over to our place to have dinner with me while he worked. We had pizza... It sucked...

Feeling our way

The early days of bringing our daughter home were wonderful yet stress filled at the same time. My fear of not being able to cope after so many years of being childless loomed large at this point. I had spent years bemoaning my lack of children yet that very lack afforded me the ability to do pretty much as I pleased without thought to the logistics of a child. Would I cope with being responsible for a small person, for being their constant, basically their whole world. In the main I found being a Mum really easy but there were small things that upset the proverbial apple cart.

How to make me cry

Sometimes you click on a link and you end up surfing a wave to a very unexpected place. I did that tonight.

I started at twitter clicking on the home page of @Seraphim75, As I read her latest tweets about her husband's uncle I clicked on her blog link.

Angels

I tweet.

I'm a twitterholic.

While flying through twitter one day I ran across some people that looked interesting and I began following some of them. There were two that I struggled with following though. @mumto2angels and @TheNDM. Why did I struggle with these two tweeps? Just my emotional silliness I suppose. When I read "Mumto2angels" I couldn't help but think of my sons. While I've never referred to the sons I lost as "angels"

I have another blog

Some things aren't fun, they aren't about me becoming a parent... so I'll post things here.

Anything, everything and Whatever's in between

I posted about why I disappear sometimes in this post

It's all coming back to me...

Like what they say about riding a bicycle, after a minute it comes back to you but you don't have that same confidence.

I spent years working to become a Mother with a child again and once I did I felt more scared then I ever had. I knew I could cope with losing children but could I cope with raising one?

Jan 4th

Slightly off topic.