Where do you go from here? (edited)

Twenty years old and more completely out of step with everyone I knew than you could imagine. What few friends we had still had no idea how to deal with the tragedy in our lives. Some simply said nothing, others disappeared. People have little ability to cope with death especially when the death is that of a child. We were left with no formal support - the hospital pretty much just said "Goodbye, we're sorry". There were no services dealing with this type of thing, Bonnie babes was established but dealt with babies (still births, SIDS deaths and the like), there was another group but they were focused on teen and young adult deaths. For the families of young children there was nothing that we could find. DH(my husband) retreated into his pain and