Okay, it started as being about my path to parenthood but since I'm lazy I can't be bothered keeping things separate. I'll add posts about how I got my children and when I think I'm finished I'll link them all but the other stuff will appear in the middle :) Fair 'nuff?
While I'm here, all the writing on this blog and the images unless otherwise noted are my own and subject to copyright.
This is the day, 30 years ago, that I sat in a hospital bed, confused, bemused, besotted... At 1:49am on August 10th 1981 I gave birth to JC. Some 6 weeks premature, very small even for that gestation & with a fighter's strength he hung on to life with a determination belied by his size. He was delivered naturally, suddenly and still in the amniotic sac. The nurses wrapped him up in a warm blanket and then silver foil. They held him out to show me with the words "here's your son, you probably won't see him again". These are not words you want to hear when you've just given birth to your first child. These are actually words you just never want to hear.
I have a friend who lost a whole year of her life. She'll never get that back. The physical reminders of that year are a tracheotomy scar and the weight she still needs to lose. The emotional ones are harder to spot.
The story of how she lost a year of her life is amazing, scary and almost unbelievable.
She contributed to a radio program about the condition that caused her illness. You can listen to it here, there's also a transcript of the piece. It's fairly long but worth listening to.
I rang Ros for her birthday a few years ago and was told she wasn't well. Within a couple of days she was in the psych ward of the local hospital supposedly suffering a nervous breakdown. Within weeks she was fighting for her life in an Adelaide hospital. Who would have thought a little, benign tumour could wreak so much havoc...
I was replying to a comment on this post and made a reference to when I used to pick JC up from creche. I can't recall having blogged about it so I decided I would collect some of the happiest memories I have of JC's short life and post them here. As an antidote to the sadness of his death.
I'm someone who copes. Life deals me shit, I deal with it. I don't complain a whole lot nor spend time thinking I'm hard done by. Not enough time in my life to waste doing that. That's not to say I don't whinge at times. I do, we all do but it's never been a focus for me. We all cop shitty things in life and you just have to deal with it and get on with finding what was good in amongst the crap.
I have some days that I get through without thinking of my other sons. The ones I can't hug, the ones I love as much as the one I have with me now and as much as I love my daughter. The ones I miss, the ones I wouldn't have back if it meant I would have to give back my now children.
Then there's days when one small thing will make me think of my eldest son and a smile will play across my face, or maybe some tears will fall from my eyes. It happens far less with my other son since I never got to meet him let alone form any lasting memories of time with him. My eldest son though... walking in the rain can bring back memories. Helping my now son to balance. Picking a flower. Seeing a toy that JC played with. Hearing a word he could say. Today it was remembering his laughter.
His tinkling, joyful, effervescent, infectious, amazing laughter.
I wish I could play that sound for you. There are no words that describe it as well as it deserves. It was medicine of the best sort. Guaranteed to cure all ills. Destined to put a smile on your face, a joyful spring in your walk. This time it bought a tear to my eyes and a wistful happiness to my heart that I can still hear him when I close my eyes.
I fear the day I cannot recall his face, his tiny arms wrapped around my neck, his laughter, his joy in living.
When I can no longer remember will he fade to nothingness?
The gorgeous Bern Morley over at So now what? posted the challenge of sharing the first fifteen songs that come up when you hit shuffle. So here goes... (Bern linked videos and everything so I'll give it a shot too)
Instructions: Put your ipod or media player on Shuffle. The first fifteen songs that play must be written down, with a short explanation of what it means to you (if anything).
1) Save the last dance - Michael Buble
No excuses - it's mine.
2) I've got to see you again - Norah Jones
Haven't heard from Norah much lately. Although she's on my ipod she's not in any of my playlists.
3) If my heart was a house - Owl City
Bought the album for my daughter & stole several songs. I love them :)
4) If I had you - Adam Lambert
My daughters. I should be grateful it wasn't The Wiggles :)
5) Red red wine - UB40
Always loved this version of the song :)
6) I want your sex - George Michael
Do I need to say anything?
7) Love of my life - Santana
If I don't happen across 2 or 3 Santana songs, I'll be surprised :) I love Santana
8) Thank you - Dido
A friend sent me this one
9) Heard it through the grapevine - Marvin Gaye
Classic song !
10) Make love to you - Etta James
I have loads of old songs on my ipod, not surprised this one came up lol
11) I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
No divine intervention :)
12) Maria Maria - Santana
Love to dance to this one...
13) Remember the Tin man - Tract Chapman
An incredibly poignant song
14) Moondance - Van Morrison
Not my fave song of his but one of them :)
15) Beautiful day - U2
So many great songs by U2...
