No longer travelling that road

I feel for couples in the situation described in this article http://tinyurl.com/y972twc but I really do wish the media would be a little more accurate in what they report and how.

Yes, the various states of Australia have fairly stringent regulations regarding adoption but where do they mention that some of these requirements are those of the government in the country the adoption is being sought from? Where is the mention of the fact that most of the requirements put in place by the relevant state also apply to local adoptions?



About the only things mentioned in that article that did not apply to us were being 40 years older than the adoptee (we weren't allowed to be over the age of 36 as at 31st January in the year of application and 40 for a second/subsequent application) and the cost involved. We had a few costs involved in travel and accommodation then we paid for legalization which is about $2000. This cost is covered in the fees paid for intercountry adoption, at least in Victoria. Not mentioned are the police checks, the financial statements, the house checks, the follow up, the intrusive questions regarding your relationship. Overall between the two adoptions we would have spent about $8000, including travel, accommodation, legal fees etc.

The article waves the idea that you can't be undergoing fertility treatments around as an example of the unreasonable nature of the requirements however, if you think about it it's a fair and reasonable request. Anyone who has undergone fertility treatments can attest to the shattering effect of them, the emotional devastation wrought by them. If you wish to adopt you need to be committed, you can't go through the process, be selected as the new parents of a child and then say "oh, well we'd prefer to stick with IVF etc" or "we weren't serious, just wanting to know it was there if we couldn't manage a biological child" or if you found yourself pregnant during the process. You are required to make a commitment to the spacing of children in your family so that any child becoming a part of your family has some time to settle in and be the focus before another child is joining them. Most people would willingly choose a couple of years between biologically related children so why not when adopting? In Victoria if you have a child placed with you through the adoption process and you find yourself pregnant within the first 12 months then DHS has the right to remove that child from your care and locate a new family for them. Is that a good thing for the child? Not in anyone's imagination and so requiring that adoption candidates take active steps to avoid a pregnancy or not undergo fertility treatments while pursuing adoption is prudent and empathetic not disempowering.

You might ask why all adoptions go through the Government. This is true only for intercountry adoptions in Victoria (I can't quote other states). Local adoptions can be handled by a Government agency or an agency appointed by the Government but privately run such as Centrecare. They must work within the DHS guidelines and I really don't agree with all of them but without strict control you end up with women being pressured into relinquishing a child and we've seen what happens in that situation. While the controls in place now are awkward and intrusive, the contact system skewed towards the birth parents rather than the child and the process difficult and long it is a far better alternative than the system that was in place 30 years ago.

I have been down that road twice. I have two children to love because of it and I will support it because it works. If someone comes up with a better system that would be wonderful and there would be many people that could benefit but the idea of allowing private agencies in the manner of America to have a place in adoption is really scary.

The last thing I will say is that if you want to know what my travels down that road were like you'll have to read some other posts. I'm currently blogging my road to Motherhood and it's very much a work in progress. Do come back and read if you're interested but don't forget to have tissues nearby JIC :)