I got married...

Once the calm after the storm had arrived we sat down to plan what should be done. I was about 12 weeks pregnant and abortion wasn't an option in my mind. After much discussion it was decided we'd get married. So amid a flurry of activity my mother and one of my sisters organized a wedding for us. I did get to do a few things but it was not your normal process, the bride was distinctly not the focus of this day. I left school within a few days of finding out and I really can't recall too much if what I did with the next few weeks. Bit of a haze there, wonder why lol



I do recall that one week before our wedding my Grandfather had a major stroke and I was sent to stay with my Grandmother. If I was staying there before hand I don't know now, I think I was but I just am not sure. We married on a Monday having fitted in around cricket for my husband to be and available church dates. It was a small wedding with mostly family and parents friends invited, just a couple of our own friends. The reception was at my in-laws home and my mother made sure that we left early so my grandmother could leave and visit my grandfather in hospital. She assumed that my grandmother wouldn't leave before us so we had to go early. It turned out my grandmother didn't leave for several hours after us and was surprised we left so early, she'd have gone when she needed to regardless of our presence. My mother didn't check, not unusual.

So we were married... there was no conventional start to our marriage, we were vagabonds for a while, staying with my sister and then at another relative's home while they were away. Our baby was due in late September but in early August I went into labour. We rushed to the hospital and they put me on various medications to stop the labour. I didn't react well to the medications and they sent me home to my mother in laws home with strict instructions to stay in bed. That lasted all of 48 hours before labour started again and I was back to hospital. Less than twelve hours after getting back to the hospital and after various attempts by the staff to stop labour I had a tiny baby boy.

Our first son was born six weeks early and weighing all of 936grams. Less than a bag of sugar, a small bag at that. Since they thought labour had stopped the staff had told my husband to go home, that meant he wasn't with me when our son was born but rather on his way to the hospital. Our son was born in a huge hurry, still in the sac and breach. The staff quickly wrapped him up, let me have a quick glimpse and told me it was likely the only time I'd see him alive. How's that for an enjoyable birth experience. 18, barely married, just given birth and told my son was most likely going to die.. what a great night that was... not !

Our son was put into intensive care in the Neo-natal unit of the hospital. They were great but they were concerned with his medical care and not with any mother-child bond and most certainly not with my well being. After three days of wondering if he would live or die, of being told he had one health problem after another only to have their diagnosis rescinded constantly I broke down. I needed to touch my child, I needed to hold him, to be his mother. Not once had I been offered the chance to hold him even though the nurses took him out of the humidicrib for one reason or another. They ignored me for expediences sake. Finally amid buckets of tears I blurted out what I needed and one of the nurses arranged for me to hold my tiny little boy. It was the best feeling I'd ever had, I could almost not breath for feeling so much love for my son. Eventually the Doctors decided that he was only six weeks early, not 12 as he appeared to be. He had suffered inter-uterine growth restriction, which may have been caused by the umbilicus. Less than six hours after birth there was no evidence of the umbilical cord, it disintegrated. The placenta looked fine and no other reason was ever put forward. We were still lurching from one major hurdle to another in terms of his health but he was fighting every step of the way.