Angels

I tweet.

I'm a twitterholic.

While flying through twitter one day I ran across some people that looked interesting and I began following some of them. There were two that I struggled with following though. @mumto2angels and @TheNDM. Why did I struggle with these two tweeps? Just my emotional silliness I suppose. When I read "Mumto2angels" I couldn't help but think of my sons. While I've never referred to the sons I lost as "angels"
many people refer to children they've lost as just that. It made my emotions bubble to the surface and I needed a little time to get over that association before I could read Mumto2angels blog and tweets without that lump in my throat. I kept thinking of someone else losing two children... Now that @mumto2angels I've had time to stop my silliness I can read her posts without the lump and her explanation behind "angels" :)http://doireallywannablog.blogspot.com/ makes it easier again.

@TheNDM is harder for me. I know that her choice of name will be tied into the concept of not wallowing under the weight of motherhood but put that word 'drown' in front of me and you have a ready made button to push my emotions with. I follow @TheNDM but I still get that lump in my throat. My son (aged 5 and started school a few days ago) sometimes talks to me about drowning and it scares me witless. You would think that after 26 years I'd have a handle on that grief but it's still there, never goes away really, just subsides enough for you to get on with your life and enjoy it until you hit a trigger. I will keep plodding along trying to get past a few words making me feel like I could cry and I'll also keep trying to one year, not retreating into a dark place when the anniversaries of my son's deaths roll around but I sure won't be holding my breath.

As to @mumto2angels reason for her name on Twitter - it's a good one. You should go read her blog and find out her reasons :)

One last thought on Angels... The last words I aim to say to my two beautiful children each night are "Goodnight O or J, Angels and everything guard your sleep, Mummy, Daddy & J or O love you and I will see you in the morning" Why "Angels & everything"? My daughter didn't like just "Angels" as "what about the Fairies & pixies & etc... Don't they guard my sleep too?" and so I added "and everything" to keep a 3 yr old happy :) She's almost 12 now...