He never rang...

A second child... did we want a second child. That was the next question after we adopted our daughter. We discussed and examined the idea and decided we didn't want to be a single child family. We lodged a second application and waited for a social worker to be assigned to do the necessary paperwork.


With adoption in Victoria you are required to commit to the spacing of your family. In consideration of this you must sign an agreement not to seek fertility treatment within twelve months of a placement and if getting pregnant isn't an issue but remaining so is, like my situation, then you're required to take steps to ensure no pregnancy is likely to occur. Once the twelve months has passed you are able to apply for the adoption to be legalized. During those twelve months you have custody of the child placed with you but not guardianship. That remains with the State of Victoria. You are not permitted to take your child interstate or on overnight trips without permission. You may not seek major medical treatment. Our twelve months passed and we applied for legalization. Part of this is up to the social worker assigned to you. They must complete a report indicating that you are suitable to be parents to this child. Eventually we got our social worker and our paperwork. Almost exactly on our daughter's second birthday we were officially recognized as her parents. That was a joyful day.

Along with the paperwork for legalising our daughter's adoption we were able to complete the paperwork to apply for a second child. At some point we got approved and we began waiting again. There is still no time frame to work on and you aren't told routinely if you have been considered for a placement. Also many people who relinquish choose to place their child in a family which gives them the same birth order as in their birth family. We were under no illusions that having the same luck twice was likely. We knew it was quite possible we would not be parents to another child. That was fine with me if that's the way things worked out. Eventually my husband decided that he would not be willing to accept a placement if he was over 40 when it occurred. So I resigned myself toe an even smaller chance. By this this time he was 39. We passed his 40th birthday with no sign of a second child. I asked if he wanted me to take us off the list but he didn't really answer. Then he said we'd take it as things came. A reprieve :) Slowly we wound towards my 40th birthday. My husband then said he felt we were too old to be taking on a baby. I contacted our social worker to let them know we were no longer continuing with our application. She asked me to get my husband to contact her and confirm that was his decision as well.

He never rang...

Several times over the next year I asked him if he rung our social worker. Each time I got told to ring for him. Each time I explained I couldn't, they needed him to confirm what I had told them. Each time he said he would do it the next day/week.

He never rang...

Eventually, just prior to my 42nd birthday I got a phone call from our social worker asking me if we were 'in or out'. She needed to know as there was potential placements coming up and they needed to firm up the pool of prospective parents. I found myself hesitant to say we were out altogether so I asked if I could get back to her after the weekend. I spoke with my husband and he removed himself from the decision making based on his reasoning that I would be the one caring for the child so I should make the decision. At almost 42 I thought long and hard about the thought of having a baby join us. I decided I was too old.

I rang our social worker on the Monday. We had a chat and she asked for our decision. I opened my mouth to tell her to remove us from consderation...

The words tumbled out...

To my surprise those I uttered were not those I intended to. The words I spoke were "Leave us on the list for a while longer". Immediately I said to myself "where did that come from?" but I let it stand. We decided that we would remain on the list until the end of June. It was Valentines day. Two days later I got another phone call from her.

"The reason I had to ring you the other day was that you have already been selected. You have a son"