Can you imagine?

I can't...

My husband, often called ex since we're separated, is now an orphan. His father and mother are both dead. All the people who knew him as a baby have all died and now, with his Mother's death last week, he
becomes parentless. I can't imagine being without my parents. I know it will happen and I know I will deal with it but it's not something I can actually imagine. I feel so sad for A. He doesn't do grief well, if at all. He has struggled to cope with the loss of our sons, grandparents, his Father & now he will struggle with the loss of his Mother. There's nothing I can do to help him. I've tried everything I could possibly come up with over the last 26 years with no success. He's already skeletal, drawn & angry. How much more so will he become? The only thing I can do now is allow him to have the kids with him as much as he can and not cause him any stress.

There's no funeral for him to get through, he & his siblings decided not to have one. Ostensibly the reason is to save money. There really should not be an issue with money and considering the major costs in a death are the burial or cremation rather than any religious service I can't see they'll save much at all. My belief is they are not having one because none of them handle grief well. None of them handled their Father's illness well nor their Mother's. They did not meet those times with equanimity nor resolve to get through it, only reticence and denial.I drove to Melbourne to allow my children to say goodbye to their Grandmother and met with resistance from their Father and both his siblings. He asked his brother to ring me in an attempt to get me not to bring the kids, he at least had the grace to accept I would do what I felt was right regardless of their thoughts. After we arrived at the hospice I got an argument thrown at me by his sister, trying to dissuade me. I had to stand on my dignity and insist that she had to respect my choice to allow my children to see their grandmother just as I respected her choice to keep her children away. I do not agree with her choice but she has the right to make it and I would never try to abrogate her right to do so. My children were able to see their Grandmother. My daughter got to kiss her and tell her she loved her, my son got to see her & blow a kiss to her. At 5 I didn't feel he needed to do more than that unless he asked to, which he didn't. They are both sad about her death but neither is tearing up constantly now they've said their farewells and been told she has died. I can't see that as anything but good. They have accepted the circle of life.

I hope husband,A,ex, can find some peace and allow grief to begin healing his soul. He needs to. Perhaps if he does he can start working towards repairing the damage he wrought on our family. I can wait and watch for a while, I've given him 29 years, another one won't hurt :)

Edit: My Mother in law was cremated this morning. A coffin no-one will ever see and a bill that was paid is all there was... sad hey?