Sometimes you click on a link and you end up surfing a wave to a very unexpected place. I did that tonight.
I started at twitter clicking on the home page of @Seraphim75, As I read her latest tweets about her husband's uncle I clicked on her blog link.
Glancing over her blog I noticed she co-founded a blog and support site called Whispered Support. So I found myself cresting the wave and surfing straight down into this site ACOCP. It's a site where you can locate a photographer who will take images of you and your child after a stillbirth, neonatal death or children with serious/terminal illnesses. All the photographers volunteer their services and, from someone who has lost far too many children, this is the most incredible thing someone could do for you at such a time. When my children died I knew of no-one who offered this service. Even suggesting someone take a photograph of your child after their death was seemingly a morbid and disgusting idea. So I have no photographs of my eldest son as he lay dying in my arms, I have only a few polaroid shots of my second son as he lay dying before I even met him and only a few of him after his death when I got to hold him in my hands. In my mind I can see them both but I am so scared that one day I won't be able to, that one day their memories will fade into nothingness. How I wish that there had been someone willing to give me such a gift as these wonderful photographers are giving to those parents who are facing the loss of their child. I cannot stop children from dying no matter how much I may wish to, I'm no photographer so I can't offer my services to a family so they may have some precious photographs of their child but I can applaud those photographers who are willing to give of their time & their talent to do this for those families.
As I meandered through these pages and clicked various links I came across this one Precious memories of Louis – An ACOCP Session. Tears burst out of my eyes almost before my mind even processed the images. I want that photograph of my son & I but I will never have it. That devastates me... That mother is me, 26 years ago, that child is my son JC as he took his last breath. I don't want my sons back as that would mean I would not have my now children and I could never give them back but I want with all my heart to have been able to have photographs like these.
I guess one of the great things today with the hospitals are that they recognise these needs. They encouraged my wife and I to take photos of Fred when he was born (I just checked them out for the first time in ten months - he was born just twelve months ago). I thought they were insane, but I'm so glad I did it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry that you too have lost a son. It's such an awful, awful thing to have to deal with. It has been a great step forward for people to accept that regardless of when you lose a child you need to mourn, you need to acknowledge them. I'm so glad you have photos and I hope that in years to come they will be a source of healing as well as remembering :)
ReplyDeleteThe ACOCP is an amazing organisation. We did a whole feature about them for Sunny Days. I wish I could have had them take photos of my Sienna. We have some polaroids but they're not 'pretty'.
ReplyDeleteI have some polaroids of Andrew Lachlan shortly after his birth and no, they aren't pretty. They're fairly confronting to most people so almost no-one has seen them. I do have some photos that were taken after his death as I held him etc. I have photos of Jonathan of course, but only during his life, none taken at or after his death.
ReplyDelete