Slightly off topic.
I think every year, that the melancholia that affected me the previous year will be gone. Every year I am surprised that it still hits. I can get through Christmas without too much issue, buoyed by the general feelings of happiness and anticipation that my children exude I suspect. Then we get to New Year's and it hits hard. Once past Jan 3rd (JC's anniversary) I seem to bounce back a little but who knows how I will feel when it gets closer to Jan 18th. That's the anniversary of my second son's birth and death.
26 years and it still holds power over me.
This year wasn't helped by the fact that in cleaning out drawers I found some pictures I hadn't looked at in years. These are pictures of my son who died at two. The first one was taken a few months before his death at playgroup. He was wearing size 00 clothes still at a little past his second birthday. Still so small :) The second was taken at his grandmother's home after he'd tried to hide that he was playing in the dogs water. He'd been told not to but did anyway and then hid his wet hands/sleeves behind his back. Typically cheeky little boy :)
These aren't the photo's I found, they are grainy and didn't scan well plus my sister who is in one of those photo's as a little girl just gave birth to her second child, a son. I think I'll keep those for myself :)
Christmas and New Years is hard on me too, I didn't lose a child but I was very close to my parents and they're both gone. There's a real hole in my heart and sense of loss and of feeling alone when this time of the year should be all hugs and cuddles. I miss my dogs as well, though I have Katie. I often feel that I should be with them all. The feeling is much like being on a train heading home, but never quite getting there.
ReplyDeleteWolfie!